The 5 Steps of Self Control

Loosing our temper, it’s dangerous.
It causes us to say and do things we later regret.
Angry Cat
What is sad is that it seems as if we are born with the instinct to loose it whenever we are in a pressured situation.

How to handle anger
My greatest weakness has always been my temper. It takes a long time for it to build up, but once it does there is no going back.

I have all to many times said things that embarrassed me for years to follow.
But since I know about my problem, it is something I have worked on and still work on every day.

It has become a lot better.
I have 5 steps that I follow every time I get into a heated discussion and situation.
Albeit it doesn’t always save the day it has made an enormous difference in my life and I am a lot prouder of myself because of it.

Whenever a situation heats up, this is what I do:

1. Breath and count to ten.
This helps to detach from the situation, let my nerves cool before making my reply.
It also gives me a chance to think about why the other person is doing what they are doing, they aren’t trying to make me mad on purpose (usually).

2. Try to understand the situation and see where everyone is coming from
If you instead of looking at every discussion as a battle with two sides, try to see where the other side is coming from. Try to see their reasons for believe what they do.

3. Asses if you are actually right, it is okej to be wrong.
Once you have put yourself in the others shoes it might turn out that you were wrong. By admitting this you prove you are a very strong person. You do not need to be embarrassed about being wrong. Being able to admit it and move on is proof of great character (and an incredible time saver!).

4. Try to find a solution to the problem, not on who is right, but on a solution to how everyone can WIN.
Since it is okej to be wrong, try to find a way to solve the situation for everyone. It doesn’t have to be your suggestion, it doesn’t have to be theirs. It can be something completely different. Put your heads together and think.

5. Each time you start to feel annoyed, breath and retrace
It is of course hard to keep cool if you feel like you are making a sound point and the other person just doesn’t get it. Remember that they aren’t doing it on purpose. Retrace steps 1-4 and try to find a reason.

I hate loosing my temper and I have worked hard to gain self control.
These 5 steps really help me and I hope they can help you as well.

Use them whenever you feel your blood boiling (even though it is nice to speak your mind, you will regret it afterwards).

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Photo Credit: gumuz


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  1. How to Focus on Solutions Instead of Problems
  2. The 8 Steps of Goal Setting at Pick The Brain
  3. The 5 Easy Steps of Cold Calling
  4. How to See the Truth About Yourself
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