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There is One Selfless Good Deed

I want to start by apologizing, this is an interesting post but it isn’t packed with actionable tips as I usually try to have in my articles.

This article is based on some thinking I was doing this summer about good deeds.
Many times I have heard that there is no truly selfless good dead, everything we do is because it in some way can benefit us.

Helping another is done because it makes us feel happy, my blog which does help a lot of people (based on the emails I get) does bring me a lot of happiness, prosperity and opportunities to improve myself.
Up to about 3 weeks ago I hadn’t been able to identify any truly selfless good deed.

But I couple weeks ago I realized, there is one thing that can be considered a selfless good deed; I was just falling to sleep when it hit me.
I had to get up in the middle of the night and write it down, Empathy is a truly selfless deed.

Showing someone caring and doing it with true intention to help and understand another puts your feelings out there as well, you feel the pain of the other in an attempt to help.

When showing empathy you feel what the other feels, you put yourself in their shoes, live their pain, their happiness, their hopes, their worries and you feel with them. This is the greatest gift you can give and it is a gift that is all for the others sake.

By showing true empathy you can change someone’s life.

In my life story I have shared that I was bullied as a child, what saved me was when I found a couple friends who liked me, cared and stood up for me. They didn’t do it for their sake; they did it because they are genuinely good and wanted to help. They heard and saw my pain and saved me from more.
In this case they got a friend for life so it wasn’t completely selfless but their first act was completely selfless helping me when I needed it.

You can do the same, it doesn’t have to be much; Listen to someone, let them tell you about their lives, do something extra to help someone, show them that you care.

Save someone’s life and you can be a hero, at least in the life of one.

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Being Humble and Setting Goals

Something I and many of my students have faced when setting goals is the social norm of being humble and not blowing your own horn.

In Scandinavia there is a “rule” called “Jante-lagen” which means that you shouldn’t brag, shouldn’t think you are special and shouldn’t try to be special. The rule is slowly dying out with generation X taking more and more room, but is still strong in our society.

When you set goals it is not very humble, you are saying “I am good, this is what I want and I am going to get it!”
Many of my students have faced ridicule, as have I, for setting high goals.

Courage is a virtue
To stand up for yourself and say; “I will have what I deserve and if it turns out others deserve it more, I’ll help them get it too, there is enough for everyone” takes courage, a lot of it.

But it is this courage that will make you successful and will help you overcome other problems you will face on your way to greatness.

If you cannot tell people what you want, how can you expect to get it, how will you act when you have it?

It is important to set goals, to have the courage to set goals so that you can get the help goal setting gives you (below you will find other resources about goal setting and its importance).
When you set goals you unlock your potential, you start to focus and you start moving faster towards your goals.

Humility is a virtue
Everything must and can be done in moderation; you don’t have to brag about your future life. Instead work focused towards your goals and let your results speak for themselves. If anyone asks where you are going, be honest and tell them about your goals, but don’t push it upon them.

It is this balance of discussing your goals and staying humble that will make you liked, loved and successful.

It is a hard balance, but now that we have addressed it, I don’t think you should spend too much time thinking about.
Instead be yourself, set your goals and work towards them. If it feels natural to speak about them, speak, if you want to keep them to yourself, do it. As long as you know what they are and you are comfortable in the situation.

The important thing is that you don’t let fear of ridicule or breaking norms hinder you from setting goals and realizing your potential.

In these articles you can read more about goal setting and about how to set good goals.

- How to Set Goals That Will Make You Rich
- How to Set Goals That Will Excite You
- How do You Set Goals If You Don’t Know What You Want?
- The Juggles Metaphor – How to Find Life-Work Balance and Handle Your Life
- 3 Reasons to Set Career Goals

If you want to learn more about how to make your goals reality, join our email newsletter “Your Path to Your Dreams” and you will receive tips and advice, and even a free copy of our e-book “How to make Selling Easy” and “The Beginners Guide to Success”.

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The Second Largest Slum in the World – A Place of Hope and Entrepreneurs

This summer I got married, I and my wife went to Kenya for our honeymoon.

It was an amazing trip;
We started with one week of safari and ended with one week of sunbathing at a hotel.
When we landed our guide met us at the gate, a friend of a friend called Salaash.
He is an incredible guide, first of all he is Masai which means that he has grown up close to the animals, in addition he has studied in the U.S., worked as a professor at the largest universities in Kenya, worked for the Nairobi national museum and for Nairobi national park.

As we were getting ready to leave on our first day of safari we spoke with him about how it is to be a tourist. About how tourists rarely get to see the true side of the country we are in, usually just the tourist areas and a glorified view of the country.

He decided to show us some of the real thing.

He called two of his friends, to young men who own a company called “Kibera Tours” to show us Kibera, the world’s second largest slum.

We met Freddy and started talking, it turned out that not only did he have the tour company he owned another company “Life Force Kiosks”.

They were also very proud to live in Kibera.
They loved the closeness of the society, to be able to shout to his buddy next door that he needs salt and have it thrown through a crack in the wall and to be able to talk with everyone.

They also told us about how people in Nairobi look at Kibera, most people are afraid of it and believe that they will get robbed, murdered or raped if they go there, especially after nightfall.

We were pretty nervous me and Gisela (my wife) after hearing this but we had decided to go so we decided to follow through.

When we got there we saw how poor people where, they had metal shacks as homes, there was garbage everywhere but all at clean clothes and shoes.

What was amazing though was when we stepped out of the car, there was this amazing energy!
People where happy, hopefull, full of energy!

They waved to us, asked us how we were, spoke to us and with a complete honesty.
There was no bitterness about us being there, we didn’t have to be worried about getting robbed and they were incredible open and forthcoming with there lives.
They allowed us to take pictures and showed us their companies, their homes and their lives.

Our first view of Kibera.

This is a picture of an incredible woman, she has Aids. She has started the company Kibera HIV/AIDS Support Initiative Programme to help others with aids and fight for their rights in society. They help women start businesses, learn to save money, to work together and build a future.

This is one of the areas communal bathrooms. They had maybe 15 stalls in each house which was shared by 20 000 people.

In the bathroom they used the natural gas for cooking. They were incredibly entrepreneurial and used every opportunity open to them.

On the top floor of the bathrooms a man had started a shoe store.

This picture is of a incredible group of young men. 60 young men have gone together to start a company creating jewellery out of animal bones. They showed us the process of cleaning, cutting, shaping and sold us some of their wares.
Take a look at their website, the things were incredible:

If they can do it, so can you!

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I am Sorry For My Absence

Hello Everyone.

I apologize for my absence in August.
Luckily I had posts to cover most of the month but I was away.

The 13th of August I got married!

But now I am back and it is time to get everything started.
We will have multiple very interesting launches this fall.

Hope you have all had a nice summer!

Posted in Regular Mistakes | 10 Comments

Stop Procrastinating by Challenging Perfectionism

One of the most common causes of stress is perfectionism.
When we have to do everything perfectly it keeps us from finishing tasks, from letting things go, from taking action.

If you learn to accept that sometimes things can be done well enough you can greatly reduce your stress levels.

Perfectionism is paralyzing
When you have to do everything perfectly it is hard to start. You can easily feel overwhelmed by the task ahead of you.
This hinders us from taking action; we don’t dare to because the result has to be perfect.

Action is the only way to succeed with anything, if you don’t try and risk failure you cannot succeed.

We never stop planning
To succeed with a goal it is very important to have a plan, to know exactly what you want and how you are going to complete it. The problem though is that most plans become obsolete once they are put into action, they need to be constantly update to fit new realities.

Many perfectionists never get out of the planning faze because the plan needs to be perfect.
The problem is that no plan can be perfect, you cannot foresee every event and you will have to remake your plans as you go along.

Staying in the planning faze for too long only makes your success take that much longer.

We can’t let things go
To produce as much as possible sometimes you need to just say, this is good enough, so that you can get on with the next task. Everything cannot be perfect all the time. If you try to you will never be able to finish a task and you won’t be able to produce at your highest levels.

A constant source of stress
When everything needs to be perfect it can grow into an obsession, maybe not all that powerful but strong enough to make it a constant cause of stress if you aren’t doing everything perfectly all the time.

Fear of Failure
The most common cause of perfectionism is the fear of failure and the fear of rejection.
Many are afraid that if everything isn’t done perfectly they will be subjected to ridicule and failure.

This is one of the most common reasons that people do not succeed.
They are more afraid of failing than they are inspired by success, they are afraid to take action because that might mean that they fail.

To succeed you must first fail, failure isn’t a bad thing, and really it doesn’t even exist.
The most successful people in the world have all been bankrupt at least once, the reason is that they take risks, try and learn (fail). Every time they learn a lesson they pick themselves up and try again with this new knowledge, sometimes they need to learn something more and they fail (learn) again and again they pick themselves up.

This circle goes on and on until they have learned all they need to succeed.
But one thing I can guarantee you; If you try again and again and learn each time, nothing can keep you from success. I guarantee that you will succeed.

Failure is therefore nothing to be afraid of. If you are really want to complete your goals it doesn’t matter if you hit a few speed bumps on the way.

I have failed with multiple businesses, but each time I learned things, each time I got smarter, each time I used the lessons and next time it always went better.

As Michael Jordan said – “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed”

How to break the habit
Accept that everything doesn’t always have to be perfect. That sometimes it is more important to get things out the door than it is to make them 100% perfect.
Since society keeps expecting us to produce more and more we need to adapt and learn to accept things when they are good enough.

That said we shouldn’t make mistakes since that means we will have to go back and redo the task, it is better to get it right the first time.
But often things don’t need to be perfect, your boss just wants to get a good overview when she asks for your report. It doesn’t have to look perfect as long as it is understandable.

Get your tasks to a good quality and then move on the next.

If you want to learn more about how to make your goals reality, join our email newsletter “Your Path to Your Dreams” and you will receive tips and advice, and even a free copy of our e-book “How to make Selling Easy” and “The Beginners Guide to Success”.

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A Promise of a Brighter Future

In many sci-fi series the humans have created a completely new society;
They don’t have money, people work for the good of all mankind and the way to get better living quarters is to do well at your job and get promoted into it.

I have always believed this to be an idealistic view, but I am seeing that things are in motion that can bring it into reality soon.

Social Companies
If you read my review of Muhammad Yunus book “Social Companies” you will see that the world is changing, companies are being created to help take care of the poor, of environmental issues. These companies are both effective and self sustaining.

Personal Development
I believe that in a few years schools will start working more with personal development, I think they will start by teaching children to be strong and independent and as they grow older they will learn to be interdependent and work together with others.

As time goes by things will start to change, an abundance mentality and win-win based thinking will start to spread throughout our society.

I believe this movement together with the movement of social companies has the potential to end way, suffering, climate problems and make this world a wonderful place to live.

Abundance mentality
There is enough to go around; when I get something it doesn’t mean that you get less.
We can all be successful and we will be more successful if we work together.

By finding solutions that work for all parties you can build long term relationships that help everyone reach their goals and become successful and often it will make the deals better for both parties.

The highest level of compromise, it isn’t a compromise. It is taking your initial solution and mine and putting them together into something even better, something that takes are combined skills and creates a solution that benefit us both even more than any of the initial ideas.

Seek first to understand then to be understood
The only way to find synergy is to listen and understand the other, when you do you can find solutions and options that will make us even more successful.

We are on the verge of change
Before long I think we will start seeing these changes taking place, in many places they have already started. Maybe we will live in a completely different society in only a few years.

If you want to learn more about how to make your goals reality, join our email newsletter “Your Path to Your Dreams” and you will receive tips and advice, and even a free copy of our e-book “How to make Selling Easy” and “The Beginners Guide to Success”.

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What do You Want to Read About?

Hope you are having a good Monday.

To be able to steer what we write about I like asking this question once in a while.

What do you like to read about?

View Results

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Thank you very much for participating.

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6 Effective Time Management Skills

As we recently ended our time management series I thought it appropriate to share with you 6 time management tips that I have found to be very useful to me and that have received a lot of attention.

By using these 6 techniques you will become a lot more efficient and get more important things done during your day.

1. Quadrant 2 Mindset
Focusing your time on the right tasks is very important. By spending more time on what brings you the greatest benefits you increase your output by a lot more than if you just increased your efficiency.

2. The 80/20 rule
The 80/20 rule or pareto principle states that 80% of your results will come from 20% of the tasks you perform. By implementing the 80/20 rule you can shorten your to do list and focus more on the tasks that will bring you real results.

3. The ability to put things out of your mind – writing things down
Stress is the enemy of efficiency. When you are stressed your ability to focus and be creative diminishes which makes you less efficient in your work.
Writing things down and getting them out of your mind really helps you relax.

4. Planning your week
“Every minute planning saves 10 minutes in execution” – Brian Tracy
When you create a weekly plan you get an overview of what needs to be done in a larger sense then when you plan only by the day. You can schedule time for quadrant 2 activities and batch tasks together to become even more efficient.

5. Organizing your day
Putting first thigns first and starting with the most important task is the bread and butter of time management. When you have your daily to do list the ABCDE-method is extremely effective when it comes to prioritizing what needs to be done.

6. Delegating
True efficiency only starts with yourself; it ends with using your ability together with the abilities of others to gain even more traction on your efforts.
When you delegate tasks to others you can create a team of 10 or more people working on tasks. That means you have made yourself 10 times as efficient as you would be alone.

If you want to read more about time management join our free email course “Your Path to Your Dreams” the course starts with a 5 part introductory course on time management, a series that has the potential to save you over 1000 hours/year. In addition you will receive copies of my ebooks“How to make Selling Easy” and “The Beginners Guide to Success”.

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New Series – Effective Stress Management

We have now completed our Time Management Series .
Since the answers to our regular surveys have pointed to the need of more advice in procrastination and especially Stress Management this is what we will be studying in the near future.

Our new series will be about Stress Management, every Wednesday we will be discussing ways to decrease the stress in our lives and help us relax and be happier.

Next week we will begin with a post on challenging perfectionism.
In the mean time I suggest you read our Time Management Series since being more efficient will help to decrease your stress.

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How to Combat Stress – Deal With the TV

When I ask questions about what people think is important and they wish they were better at, a large group always answer, stress!

We don’t know what to do with our stress; it keeps overwhelming us and smothering us.
With all the stress we have we feel like we really need to relax when we get home, that is the main reason TV is so popular.

We stress all day, get home and watch 1-4 hours of TV.

The problem is that this time could be put to better use getting things done, reducing your stress.
You can look at your to-do list and get a few more points crossed off.

Take a look at my post on the “quadrant 2” mindset and you will see why watching TV is so dangerous.

Now some of you might think I am telling you that you should spend all your time working, which is not what I am saying.

TV isn’t the best way to relax

I want to put forth that there are much better ways to relax than TV;
Spending time with your family
Taking a walk
Taking a nap
Getting a massage (You can massage someone in your family and have them massage you if you don’t want to go to a massage parlor)
Cooking an awesome dinner
and many other things.

I want to put forth that if we cut our TV viewing time in half we would reduce our stress by a lot.

Think how much you could do without TV
What would you do if you took those hours for some over 30 hours/week and put them into recreational use. You would be in better shape giving you more energy, you would get more done making you less stressed and releasing even more energy, you could spend more time with your friends that would make you happier.

Try cutting your TV viewing in half or by 30% and you will see how much more energy you have.

If you want to learn more about how to make your goals reality, join our email newsletter “Your Path to Your Dreams” and you will receive tips and advice, and even a free copy of our e-book “How to make Selling Easy” and “The Beginners Guide to Success”.

Posted in Personal Growth, Stress Management | Tagged , , | 4 Comments